Doors are closing, more are opening.

College is a weird time, man. Lots of things happen which change and shape your life. So many opportunities present themselves, and you can either take them or leave them.

The Andi two years ago would have left them. The Andi today is happily taking them.

At this point in my college career, I have no idea what career path I truly want to go down. I also don't know where I want to live when I'm older. Pretty much the only thing that I do know is that I want to make a difference in the world.

This semester I had the privilege of hearing the amazing Jane Goodall speak at Mizzou. During her spectacular speech, she said something that really spoke to me. Now, is she the only person to have ever said this? Nah. But the way she said it just really impacted me. She said, "every single one of us makes a difference every day, and it's our choice what kind of difference we make".

I may not know much about life, and I may not know the details of what goes on in our world, but I know that there are people out there who need help and need to be spoken for.

I'm not going to go into the details of what new changes might be happening in my life plans, because we all know how quickly things change in my life.

However, I just know that God didn't put me here to sit in a 9:00-5:00 job and live in mid-Missouri for the rest of my life. He has bigger plans for me and I know that I am going to follow where he leads me.

To start this off I took some baby steps and am leaving the country for the next 6 months to study abroad. You know, just trying to be logical. Obviously the first steps to reaching out from an entire life in one place is to travel thousands of miles away for an extended period of time....right?

I'm not going to say that I'm not a little nervous. I mean, I don't know anybody where I am going. But it will be an amazing adventure and learning experience. I'm going to meet new people, try new things, and most importantly, break free from my comfort zone.

It's going to be really weird and sad to leave this semester. To say that this is poor timing would be an understatement. I've met new people and will miss them. I'll be missing a ton of friends' graduations. Some of my friends will be moving away from Missouri after they graduate. So basically, after I leave in January, I'll be missing out on the end of a lot of amazing college memories....which is kind of a bummer. However......I'll be in another country and this was too good of an opportunity to pass up. I'll never again in my life be able to go be a college student in another country. This will be so cool.

I feel like this next step in my life is the perfect beginning to the end of my year doing the Happiness Project. After working on improving my outlook on life for an entire year, it's definitely time for a change. And this is going to be the perfect one.

God puts people in your life for a reason, and these past few years I believe that he has surrounded me with the perfect group of people.

When I was in high school I always heard that you would meet your best friends in college. However, I never really believed this. I always thought to myself that I had the best friends ever from home and that wouldn't change. Once I got to college I realized that I was right, but wrong at the same time. I have kept my awesome relationships from home but gained some best friends here.

As you may have saw from my pictures posted, my road in Phi Lamb has come to an end. I decided to stop a year early because of study abroad and an insanely busy class schedule next year. It was this organization which brought me to my best friends in college and for that, I am forever grateful. Phi Lamb helped me grow immensely in my relationship with Christ. There are so many amazing girls here who love each other so much. If I traveled back in time to freshman year, I would join again in a heartbeat.

Attitude is Everything

Oh hey there.

My Happiness Project is getting close to being over. Which is weird. And I don't know how I feel about that just yet. This year has flown by. Like really fast. Faster than a speeding bullet I would say.

I really think this project has changed how I view life though, to be honest. It's made me appreciate life more. I only have one life to live and I think I have it figured out how I want to live mine now. And that's a pretty cool thing.

This month my theme is attitude. Back when I was making this I thought it would be a good idea to have at the end because, well, finals. I mean come on. This month has been awful with school.

So far this month I haven't been very good about having a very good attitude. I try so hard and then you do really bad on an anatomy lab exam and then it's like what is the point and then you just eat an entire sleeve of Oreos. Sometimes you just can't help it.

But I'm really trying. I'll do better. I PROMISE.

It's time for the holidays which means plenty of cheer for everyone.

Really though before writing this I was thinking about it. The theme for this month that is. And you know what? The project alone has made my attitude better.

When I started this a year ago, my attitude wasn't all that great. But after focusing on bettering yourself for an entire year apparently that has a positive effect on your attitude. Yeah I have my bumps (like right now), but in the end I really think this project has kinda taken care of this month's theme already.

I don't know, just a thought.

Also I think it's just really hard to not have a decent attitude when you're about to study in another country for an entire semester. Because that's just going to be awesome.

Alright I'm done. I don't really have much to say. I just wanted to say what my last "new theme month" is.

On that note....

Later.

Crossing The Pond

So I haven't posted in a reeeeeeaaaaally long time. Sorry, dudes. College is hard. And this semester is killing me quickly.

BUT WAIT.

I have good news.

You know how everybody knows what they want for their life? Like some people want a fancy job and make lots of money. Some people want to get married and have kids. And then there are people like me who don't have a clue what they want.

The only thing I know for sure is that I don't belong in one place. I belong to God and he rules this super neat planet we live on. Because of that, I belong to this world. Not just Missouri.

Growing up I have always wanted to see the world. Experience new things. Meet new people. Truly experience another culture besides small town life.

I have always told myself that before I can even think about settling down in life I needed to wander all over this planet and see what it has to teach me.

After a bumpy freshman year of college, I realized just how important this actually was to me.

I wasn't born to stay in one place. God blessed me with the gift of gab and love for people. I'm going to make a difference in this world someday even if it's the last thing I do.

SO HERE'S THE NEWS.

........

........

(drum roll)

........

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO THE UNIVERSITY OF MANCHESTER FOR THIS SPRING SEMESTER TO BE AN EXCHANGE STUDENT.

THIS MEANS I AM STUDYING ABROAD FOR AN ENTIRE SEMESTER.

I'll be in the UK. And I could not be happier than I am right now.

I get to experience a new lifestyle. I get to eat new food. I get to meet new people. I get to hear all the cool accents. I get to live in a city. I get to visit an old friend (Emma Gertsen I'm coming for you). I get to wander. I get to explore. I get to live.

I could go on for days.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. This is going to be really scary. All of you out there who know me know that I am terrible with directions. I also would forget my head if it wasn't attached. I also tend to lack common sense a lot of the time. And I'm crazy awkward.

But this is going to be really good for me.

I'm going to be by myself in a new country and I am going to grow up. Not in a boring adult way. I pray that I never do that. I'm going to be young at heart my whole life. I'm just going to become a different person. Like, I'll probably be a lot better at directions and know everything about food and alcohol of different cultures. Also, I'll probably have tea with the Queen and we'll be BFFs so talk about growing up. Don't worry, I'll be sure to use my manners when I'm with her, mom.

Also, I promised my grandma that I would teach her how to Skype so she can check up on me. I think I'm going to miss you cooking supper for me the most, grandma.

But seriously. This is an opportunity of a lifetime and I can't wait to share my experiences with you.

Oh. And I guess I'll try and fit in some studying, too.

I'm not sure that Manchester is ready for this Blackwell.

Life, man.

Guys. Lots of really cool things have happened to me in the past two weeks but I've just been so busy so now I'm just going to summarize everything. 

FIRST OF ALL. School is awful. So hard. So busy. I don't have free time anymore.

So the first cool thing I got to do was see JANE GOODALL speak. Yep. Not kidding. She came to Mizzou and it was one of the coolest speakers I have ever voluntarily listened to. She was memorizing. Like, my mind didn't drift once. She is just so inspirational. She knew what she wanted to do as a little girl and stuck to her guns and made her dreams become a reality. At the end of the session she took time for questions. Side note - most of these questions were absolutely ridiculous. I mean, ridiculous. People were legit asking her what they should do with their lives. HOW IN THE WORLD IS SHE SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION?! Ask something worth her time, people. Annnnnyways, one girl asked how she overcame the notion that she couldn't do what she did because she was a girl. The wonderful Jane responded by saying to not pay attention to her gender because it doesn't matter. Being a boy or girl doesn't matter. Just do you. Okay she didn't exactly put it in those exact words, but you're catchin my drift. She's just awesome. 

My favorite quote she spoke during her lecture was, "every single one of us makes a difference every day and it's our choice what kind of difference we make". HOW SERIOUSLY AWESOME AND TRUE IS THAT?! Sure, somebody else has most likely said that in a lecture or a speech and she isn't the first. But when you're absolutely focused in on a person talking and she says that it makes you think. 

Thank you, Jane Goodall, for impacting me by the wonderful words you shared at my school. You're the bomb.com.

So then came along this past weekend. Which was epic.

The Mizzou game was Saturday but we won't talk about it because we lost and that was super depressing. 

ANYWAYS, I went to STL with my brother and our friend Alec around halftime of the Mizzou game. This was for our second annual trip to watch the Cowboys vs Rams. Last year we took an all night road trip down to Dallas, TX to watch and it was fantastic. This year we didn't have to travel quite as far which was pretty cool too.

So we stayed with my family there.

And on Sunday before the game obviously we have to make it a typical Esparza weekend and watch the kids run in a triathlon bright and early. But this was actually really cool because how many people can say that they get to watch their little cousins dominate all the other kids in a triathlon?! My cousins rock. 

Then, Sunday afternoon, I completed the second item on my 9 year bucket list. I was able to stand on the sideline at an NFL game. And it was fantastic. Guys, you don't even understand how huge these men are until they run right by you. Like, holy guacamole. Their biceps were bigger than my waist. My whole body was like one of their legs. They could crush me with their pinky finger. Basically what I'm trying to say is that if I took a tackle from one of them I wouldn't ever get up again. 

We were on the sideline until the game started so we were able to take pictures and watch them warm up. Obviously, we watched the Cowboys. 

AND WE STOOD SO CLOSE TO JERRY JONES. WHAT IS LIFE. 

And then we went to our seats and the Cowboys won so it was a fantastic day. 

Then this week happened and it has been quite awful but it has shown me just how lucky I am to have so many people in my life who care about me. I took my first and hopefully last trip to the ER with my asthma. Apparently some virus really knocked me out and my lungs practically shut down. I know I joke about my asthma quite a bit and play it off like it's no big deal. However, it actually is a bit scary when your medicine isn't helping and you literally can't breathe. I mean, your lungs are kind of a vital organ to survive. Anyways, I have a new lung doctor and she is seriously great and hopefully I'll be back on my feet before the weekend is over! Thank you everybody for your prayers!

And maybe most important of all, SCANDAL CAME BACK LAST NIGHT. Life just got so much better each week.

So besides my lungs being the worst ever, I live a life that pretty much rocks. I love college. I love my friends. I love my family. I love all of the opportunities that God gives me. I'm a lucky gal. 

Being Intentional

So it's September now. 

When I first set up my Happiness Project I decided that I would make September my month to focus on friendships, talking with new people, and trying to quit interrupting others as much.

I chose September because I would be back at school and have plenty of time to focus on my relationships with others. LOL. 

Then my hardest semester of college began where just in the past week I have spent on average 6 hours every day working on homework or studying. So you could say my life is not very fun right now. However, I'm taking the evening off tonight to do things to help my sanity. No joke, I'm down to the last few marbles up in my noggin. 

Coming from a wonderful hometown like Centralia, I was blessed to be involved in many different groups during high school. Being so diverse, it let me become good friends with so many different people who I may not have been otherwise. And in high school you didn't have to be intentional.

Okay, I take that back. I intentionally sprinted to lunch each day to beat all you hooligans to the front of the line. And for your information, I only got stopped once by the principal so I'm super fast AND stealthy. However, it was super awkward because he made me stand with him next to the entrance until everybody was through the line. So that was really dumb and even though he was super cool I'm not sure I'll ever give up that grudge. I take my food seriously. 

ANYWAYS. 

So in high school I never had to be intentional with my friendships. When you spend all day every day with all the people you consider your friends, it just kinda works. You don't have to think about finding time to hang out because you just do. And you talk to them all day every day. 

Well, college is different. It's sad that the majority of the people I once talked to daily who were so important to me are now the people I see and talk to very little. It's not that I wanted to stop being friends, it's that it's just really hard.

And now I have all of these new awesome friends in college. Well, I made these friends and unlike high school, I still don't see them everyday. You actually have to make time for each other. 

So this month I am focusing on prying myself away from studying and spending time with people I care about and love. And also to make new friends.

It's really easy to be intentional when you have the Blackwell gene that allows you to be able to talk to a brick wall. I mean, just yesterday as I was walking across campus I made friends with an elderly man. He was handing out bibles and I had time so I stopped and chatted and he gave me excellent Christian advice. If I decided to not be intentional in that moment when I decided to stop, I would have never heard from that man. And that's kind of sad. 

When it comes to friends, I don't think it will be too difficult to be more intentional. I mean, I enjoy being social and I obviously enjoy to have fun. 

However, my goal for this month is to become better at interacting with individuals who I normally wouldn't and hear what they have to say. Everybody has a story and it's so interesting to hear from all sorts of people. And since I'm attending such a diverse, amazing university, I don't think I'll have a problem with this part of my goal.

Finally, it's September 11th. 

Sometimes in life it's really easy to get caught up in yourself and your own problems. I mean, I've been having a pity party for myself for a solid week because of school. However, sometimes we need to stop and appreciate what others have done for us. 

Without the soldiers who protect us, who knows what our lives would be like. Would I be able to go to Mizzou and get an excellent education? Would I live in fear because I am a Christian? Would I be able to have a say in our government and vote? 

When 9/11 happened I was too young to understand what was going on. I remember having a feeling that something was wrong at school and then once I was home knowing something was wrong after seeing my mom. 

To me, the anniversary of 9/11 is a day to remember all of the lives that were lost and the heroes who willingly stepped up. 

It's also a day to be intentional with friends and family. 

Life can change so quickly and there is no way to know God's plan until it happens. We don't know when our last day together will be. 

So maybe it's silly for me to stress out so much about school when life is so much more important. 

Either way, today I am thankful for my life, friends, family, freedom, faith, happiness, hopefulness, soldiers, fire fighters, volunteers, kindness, and most of all, God. 

I'm lucky to live the life that I do and have the ability to write this silly blog when I have the chance. I'm lucky that I'm able to have my goal for the month be to be more intentional with others when other parts of the world have goals like trying to survive. 

 

What Phi Lamb Means To Me

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN! Football is back and the world is a much better place. Oh, and Phi Lamb is starting.

Sigma Phi Lambda is a sorority that strives to glorify God by providing a source of fellowship for Christian college women who seek to know His person, His will, and His ways. It is a non-denominational organization of sisters where fellowship with our most high God is fostered by growth in unity with one another. Through weekly meetings that include worship, encouragement, fellowship, and accountability. Sigma Phi Lambda is not presently, nor will ever be Pan-Hellenic. 

This is from Facebook. Not sorry for using copy/paste.

My whole life I wanted to go to a school out of state. I never even thought about wanting to attend Mizzou. However, things change and I ended up starting freshman year out at the University that I now call home.

But I didn't think of Mizzou as home until my spring semester of freshman year. Fall semester I really didn't enjoy my time at The Zou. I wanted to be somewhere else and I just wasn't happy. 

THEN I joined Phi Lamb that spring and from then on out Mizzou has been home. Here's why this sorority means so much to me:

1. My relationship with Christ. I have always been involved with my church and I grew up in a Christian home. But I didn't know how to have a personal relationship with Him until I joined Phi Lamb. I have grown so much during the 1.5 years that I have been in this sorority and I wouldn't trade that for any out of state school experience. 

2. Sisterhood. I mean, Phi Lamb is still a classic sorority on many levels. I have met my best friends from college here and I can't imagine never having met them. These girls are cool, funny, inspiring, kind, generous, lovely, and just totally rad. When we're all together there is just so much laughter and fun and it's pretty neat.

3. Cool shirts. Coming from Centralia where our school colors were black and white, my wardrobe was pretty basic. Every tshirt that I owned was either black, white, or the dreaded grey. Then I joined Phi Lamb and I HAVE SO MANY COLORS NOW. And they're pretty. And there are no panther figures on any of them. Not that I don't love my Centralia shirts, but let's be real, they're all the exact same.

4. Service events. Serving others is my passion in life. I just want to help as many people as I can in the short amount of time that God is giving me on this planet. Service is a huge part of Phi Lamb and we serve others in so many different and cool ways. It's really cool to serve with a group of your best friends doing something fun and helpful to society. Like this past spring we took part in Caring for Columbia and some of us picked up trash along the side of a road and we had a blast and I learned how to juggle rocks. Just kidding, I never could figure it out. But hey, I tried my hardest. 

Honestly, I could go on all day about why Phi Lamb is just super neat. However, I have homework to work on because school has started back up and that is just a real bummer. 

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?!

If you're a girl and you attend the wonderful University of Missouri and are curious as to what this cool organization is all about then YOU SHOULD COME TO RECRUITMENT THIS WEEK. Seriously. It's going to be a blast. And we have free snacks. 

Guys. Free food. You never turn down free food. 

Here's our schedule for the week:

Tuesday September 2, 2014 - Friday September 5, 2014 

Tuesday 6:30pm (Eckles Hall 113): Field day with Gutter Sundaes 

Wednesday 6:30pm (Ellis Auditorium): Photo Scavenger Hunt

Thursday 6:30pm (Ellis Auditorium): Progressive Dinner

Friday 6:30pm (Ellis Auditorium): Mock meeting

Questions? Email: sistersforthelord@gmail.com
Website: philambmizzou.wordpress.com

.....yeah I used copy/paste again. Like I would actually be able to remember that schedule. I can't even remember my college address. 

I promise if you come you will have a good time. And coming to a night of recruitment doesn't mean you are signing your life away. You pick us, we don't pick you. So come check us out! We want to meet you!

That Bikini Bod Life

First things first I want to thank God for my fast metabolism. Seriously. The Big Man has really blessed me and I'm actually thankful for it. With my knee injury I have lost the ability to exercise for the past five and a half months but was still able to go do this contest and be confident. 

Okay, story time. PS - I can't post any pictures in the blog because apparently technology is going to hate me for my entire life and my new phone keeps getting denied by my computer and I don't know how to fix it and it's been a long day and I don't care anymore.

So it's Friday.

I didn't want to go.

I had a really bad headache and nobody I knew was going to be there that night and I didn't want to drive to the lake.

But I got out of bed and went anyways. 

So I show up to Shady Gators and have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm supposed to be. So I stood there awkwardly outside of the bar like the awkward person I am. 

Finally I was directed to the correct location INSIDE of the bar and met up with the group. We filled out some paperwork then literally sat around until like 10:00. 

Then we did a preview thing where we walked in two circles in a swim suit on the stage and the announcer told everybody to come back the next night for the competition. Then we walked off the stage and left to go to our hotel.

Also, the cool thing was that it was all paid for. So I enjoyed that. And I got a bunch of free stuff like shirts and stuff.

I shared a condo with three super cool girls. Two of them actually live in Columbia so I'll most likely see them again. We all stayed up pretty late just chatting. Then I realized how early we had to get up the next morning and I went to bed. 

If you know me then you know that the two things I require to keep me the chill cucumber that I am are food and sleep. I was deprived of both of those this weekend. I deserve a gold medal for keeping my composure both days.

Then it's Saturday. The big day.

We left our condo at about 8:30 for Shady Gators on a shuttle. 

When we got there we started the photo shoot. This lasted like three million hours. 

Also if you know me then you know that I'm really not good at taking a serious picture. I like taking silly/dumb pictures so much more. 

Okay so I'm being a little dramatic. The photo shoot was actually a lot of fun, just super exhausting. And my face hurt from smiling so much. But it was a really cool opportunity that I probably won't get again. Like, it was a real life photo shoot where I wore three different swim suits. How many people can say that they have been able to do that in their lifetime? (If you're a model and/or have actually done this in your life then I am not including you in the previous question.) Anyways, we took a ton of group shots and then I was able to take some individual pictures. Super cool.

After the photo shoot WE GOT TO EAT LUNCH. I was starving. I had a BLT and fries. Most people ordered some type of salad and I just didn't understand them. 

Following lunch, we rehearsed for the actual contest that night. That entailed a lot of me standing there pretending like I was listening to the instructions then just following the girls in front of me. I know, I know, me not paying attention is really shocking for a lot of you to wrap your minds around. Chloe would be the most shocked out of everybody probably. 

So then we got to do my FAVORITE part of the day.

We rode on a yacht. 

To the boat races.

Then rode around all of the people and threw stuff out to them.

GUYS. I was on a yacht. I was practically a celebrity. 

But actually being kinda serious because I think 700 people took pictures of us. I don't like to think about that thought because it's kinda creepy. But whatever. 

But the yacht really was my favorite part of the day. I didn't have much fun at the competition. It was super hot and too spaced out. But I'll get to that part, quit getting ahead of me. 

Then the boat took us back and we took the shuttle back to the condos to get ready for the competition.

SATURDAY NIGHT COMPETITION: Spoiler alert - I didn't place.

So we get there around 9:00 fully dressed in our cocktail dresses ready for round 1. We did the first round at around 10:15 or so. We walked in two circles, walked off, walked back on stage one at a time, walked off, everybody walked in one more circle, stopped, then walked off. I used so much brain power I didn't even know how to handle it...... Lol.

Then we went back to the dressing room, changed into our swim suits, and waited for another hour.

Round two. We all walked in two circles, walked off, walked back on stage one at a time AND answered an interview question, walked off, everybody walked in one more circle, stopped, then walked off. The interview question for everybody was just a question about themselves that described them in some way. Not a big deal. World peace. Applause. You know. 

Then we just waited for like 10 hours in a room to the side of the stage for the results. Let's just say at this point in the night I was HANGRY. Like, it was bad. Also, I thought I was going to pass out from being so hungry. I'm not dramatic.

Finally we all lined up to walk back on the stage for the results. This is when the most classic Andi moment happened.

So I've been in heels like all night. And I had no food. And I wasn't wearing my brace. I was weak. 

I'm about to walk down the two steps on live tv, ANNNNND, I trip. The lady who runs the competition reached out and I grabbed her arm before I face planted. And I looked into the camera and walked away laughing. 

So then we stand in a line and the top 6 girls get announced and I honestly was super happy for them. And I was happy for myself that the day was finally over and I could take my makeup off and go back to Columbia and sleep in my own bed.

All in all it was a fantastic experience. I'm really truly happy that I did it. Also it's my August bucket list item and also was totally unexpected. I'm proud of myself for doing it. 

Now for a few well deserved shout-outs for this whole experience:

Grant - for yelling that I was the best at the prelims and making everybody mad around him for being so obnoxious and also for catching me a t-shirt

Hannah - for having to be Grant's girlfriend during that experience and then for literally finding all the stuff I needed for the competition because let's face it I wouldn't have had clothes to wear if it wasn't for you

Sug- for cheering me on at prelims and being awake to laugh at me when I told you about me tripping on live tv during finals

Rach - you're just my bro and you were at prelims too cheering for me and well yeah thx, man

Reid - YOU THE MAN. You taught me everything I know, Coach. Unfortunately I didn't "shake it" like you wanted me too and you'll probably yell at me for that when/if you decide to be cool and hang out with us tonight

Chloe and Baylee - you came shopping with me and helped pick out my swimsuit and who knows what I would have picked if I would have been by myself....yikes

AND FINALLY...

Mom and Anna - Thanks for coming to watch me on Saturday and getting a group of guys on a bachelor party to cheer for me too. And then for driving me back to Columbia so I could sleep in my own bed. You both rock. 

So that's it. Now I get to go back to being just Andi who loves pizza and wearing Nike shorts and t-shirts. 

And last but not least....

What is the one most important thing or society needs? Harsher punishment for parole violators, obviously. Oh, and world peace. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3st-Hai1y54

Peace out.